How to Release your Feelings — And Thrive
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it.”
I’m not the bubbly kind of guy people instantly warm to. You can hear me telling someone that I may look cold and unapproachable, but I’m happy and smiling on the inside. That is if you’re not scared off beforehand. I’ve gotten used to rushing around stern-faced without worrying what other people are thinking.
But these experiences have given me an advantage in communicating my feelings whenever someone asks. It will be as honest as the feeling itself. If I’m feeling tired, the person who asks ‘How are you?’ will get the ‘I’m tired’, reply. And not the standard ‘I’m good’ or ‘I’m fine’.
“Hypocrites get offended by the truth.”
Jess C. Scott
I’ve learned not to hide my feelings, as it only causes misinterpretations that lead on to bigger issues. There is a fear in people, that if they let their true feelings out, they are somehow weak and emotional. So they would rather suffer in silence than share their pain with others.
There are good and bad sides to letting people know how I feel. Some people will try to change the way you’re feeling, by letting you have as much self-help think positive sermon as they can. The other most common reaction is ‘denial and disappear’. It usually happens like this. I say ‘I’m grumpy today, things are not going as planned’. The recipient replies with something like, ‘No, it can’t be that bad…anyway…I need to [fill in the blank]’. And disappears off into the distance as fast as they can (before I awkwardly burst into tears no doubt).
I am not any stronger if I deny my feelings or pretend I’m okay when I’m not. I am not embarrassed because I exposed a small part of my inner workings to someone else. I’m not seeking empathy or sympathy, I’m only pointing out a personal truth.
To connect with people is a beautiful experience, but one that is only made when the feelings are genuine. If I open up on my feelings and the person opposite, listens and truly hears what I said, there will be a connection. That requires no further words.
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.”
It’s out there already
I’m sure that when people hide their feelings, they think no one can see or feel them. This is a myth. To the person who is aware and attentive, they know exactly what you’re feeling. There’s enough information coming from your non-verbal action to write a book on.
I like to keep my talking brief but my listening expanded. Letting people know how I feel allows me the freedom to be who I am. There’s no need to worry about the thoughts and opinions of others. It’s also one of the fastest ways to discover whether the person you’ve met will be an enriching soulful connection or not.
“If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it.”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Free your feelings
I am healthier for releasing my feelings. I am less anxious and frustrated at life’s twists and turns. Trying to suppress any emotion can quickly turn it into a negative or destructive one. Think of it as a battery. If it is used to power say, a radio, all is well. The useful power in channeled through the speakers to provide music. But if the batteries hidden and ignored, they will corrode and leak toxic chemicals into the radio. Harmful to both.
I let the music play and appreciate those who listen with me.
A simple but powerful way to nurture yourself and be kind to others. When I’m talking to myself, my monkey-mind can be screeching and animated in action and language. So I make extra effort to be polite to myself when things don’t go to plan. I am self-critical like most of us are, but it’s a great investment to use kind words and a polite manner. And the rewards result in higher esteem and confidence. And being polite to others has its benefits too, I suppose.
“Virtue, perhaps, is nothing more than politeness of soul.”
Honore de Balzac
Don’t try to carry your whole life around with you. It will only get heavier. So I prefer to lighten the load and release those emotions and feelings along the way. I’ll look to be polite and honest at all times.
A quick word of caution. I make sure I am listening and aware of the situation before I engage with anyone. There’s an important place for ensuring that when I speak I’m being helpful and the timing is appropriate. There’s no point in letting everyone know how fantastic and successful you are at a funeral is there.